oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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