I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
