My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
