I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
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