Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
