Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
