Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
