My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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