we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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