mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
