YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
