dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
