No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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