just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
sex in a hospital.. check
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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