If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
