i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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