she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I came so hard my ears popped.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
