Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
