She's JV to your varsity
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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