he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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