I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
