You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
