Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
