You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
