he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
