im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
