they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
