he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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