you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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