guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
