Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
