i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
