I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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