like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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