I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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