I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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