apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
