is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
