he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
