matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
honey bunches of taint.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
