jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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