he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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