New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
