this beer tastes like vomit already
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
