that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
