are you still at the devil's house?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
