I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
