either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
