u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
