Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
