Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
