idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
