Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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