Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
