so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Use "feeling words"
Yay
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize