The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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