I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
