Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
