you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
