Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
