The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
