She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
