I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
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she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just invented taco cereal.
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woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops