Grow some girl-balls and come out already
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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