What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake