I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.