i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
