I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
