I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.