You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.