People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
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Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
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He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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