Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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