I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
