I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
as a side note pls kill me
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
