I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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