like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Please don't give away my fajitas
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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