i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
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