Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
there is puke in my bra ... again
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