In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
