Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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