Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
