1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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