i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
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She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
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There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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