She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
