That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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