I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
