What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
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So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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