After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
