I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
