I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
