:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
