am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
