Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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